Im just a fad,
Not a burden,
Just a thorn in your side.
Im the truth,
im the fear,
im the image,
of soceity.
I am Burning, You cant barter.
I am seething, you cant trade.
I am me,
and u cant buy me.
I aint being played now for you.
Im the spoken,
Not the peace,
The loud outcry,
of my peers.
Im gunna touch it,
Im gunna take it,
Im gunna steal it,
make cities fall.
And when i see you,
YOU WILL FEAR ME MORE !
'cause.
I am Burning, You cant barter.
I am seething, you cant trade.
I am me,
and u cant buy me.
I aint being played now for you.
......
Im burning hate,
fuelled by desire.
Im just killing time now.
Pure confusion, confiscation, but i know what i want.
Can i have both and be called alive.. ?
I just want both these.
So selfishly im thinking now !
But there is a compromise that holds me back with open palm,
so im waiting, wishing.
Im looking at the possibility,
and then i'll run to it !
I get a sickly feeling !
When i remember it,
when i see it happening all around me.
When i hear what gets spoken.
Ignorance.
I picture the darkness,
the one that gave such joy,
the one that was perceived.
Perceived as causing pain.
How wrong they were.
And then it gets me thi
Endless doors, empty rooms.
The polished floor of a deserted corridor.
Not a breath of air, nor a whisper of sound.
Nothings changed since in this desolate place.
The Organised mess that once crowded these corridors,
Simply swept clean and thrown out.
The Endless murmur of thoughts upon the wind,
Silenced by the overpowering distortion.
A single mural remains.
Plastered onto wood that calls itself "Door".
Brand new this door is. Only recently opened,
Yet it already has its label. "Memories".
It never closes properly,
And not a single key I posses,
Will lock or unlock its cursed mechanism.
All it seems to do is leak a new mess.
I walked a field last night.
Trod a great long path.
Light was not clear,
nor was the sound calling me.
A field of red and pink,
of gristle, flesh and bone.
A scream of screaming torment,
a test of my inner self.
The screams of the battle torn,
those ravaged and broken.
Tempting screams of help,
cries of failure and pain.
I walk on, oblivious,
or choosing not to be weakend.
Focusing on my goal,
Aiming for the head.
My lust is not to listen,
not to feel what others do.
My strength is to pass,
where others struggle and fall.
My heart is all but black,
and my memories stored away for now.
Each second a testimony,
to why im
Biased opinions,
corrupted thoughts.
I've introduced a new diesease,
created a new infection again.
I gained something i've longed for,
even if only for a fraction of life.
Only to find it's eating me,
Knawing from the inside, out.
Memories of past experience,
tunring cold and fading to grey,
tainted with regrets that grow,
this new cancer... is slowly spreading.
New scars appear over time,
marks that signify my age.
I was definitely a late bloomer,
perhaps for the better of myself.
But i've found a second cure,
one much better than the first.
My only hope's that you'll accept it,
But thats the risk i have to take.
Stumbling up to another cliff,
comprehending its infinite boundaries.
Confidence in every breath,
As i take my first handful of this rough, high wall.
Progress is made through time,
power gained through patience.
Endurance is the very key.
but the lock is held in our own hearts.
The majority that attack this cliff,
they endure, and enjoy a time together.
But the occasional one losses focus,
and his grip starts to betray him.
First his palms begin to sweet,
and his muscles start to burn.
The rock that is his very foundation,
it becomes soft and starts to crumble.
He strains, and summons all of his strength,
cry's put and try'
The suicidal maniac,
the suicidal FREAK!!
The homocidal, murderous prick,
that dwells inside of me.
Living on insanity,
breathing in its fumes,
this metal state of mind that breaks,
and suffers but does not bruise.
Chorus
Open up your doors,
open up to me.
Come inside i'll show you life,
i'll teach you how to breath.
Cause this is MEEE !!
this is MEEE !!
This is my stinking, putrid smell,
this is what i've come to be,
this is me...
A night of forgiveness,
retribution and understanding.
Trying to create new feeling,
running from my selfish hate.
A beat within my chest,
slowly growing.
A new feeling created,
through need.
Trying to change myself,
trying to leave it behind.
Not sure what become,
a secret hidden by the future.
Wasted hate maybe,
some use for it somewhere.
Cant see properly,
a reason clearly blurred.
Must i change for thee,
no more time to waste,
Pleasing myself,
Dis-pleasing others.
Questioning logic,
and answering reality.
Life in a world of lies...
Part of a whole.
A piece of conversation.
No known reason,
No known subject.
An insignificance,
An invalid input.
Zero silence,
And infinite discussion.
Invitation against will,
Pity when not needed.
A crying shame,
A pitiful cry.
A soul not needed,
Yet called upon.
To create tension?
To create a solution?
Destination not known,
Outcome unforeseen.
Futures secrets,
The pasts pain.
Insignificant.
As the world fly's past it comes 2 a sudden halt
everything freze's and becomes history
tears being shead are now not worth the effort of crying
The sun rises and sets as does the moon
In this way it keeps the future comming as fast as the past is leaving
The man on the corner becomes a blur as people pass him by
In the rush of life he to becomes the past
But not history as no one notices his words of wisdom
All the boys see the young blonde
She only see's the boy in the corner
All alone slowly sucumbing to reality and fading as a peice of the past.
As the people who have no nerve whatch from the shadows
Unknown to them they are
sitting in the darkness of the world.
events and people fly by.
many times my heart reaches out but is stung with regret.
each time stung becoming weaker.
once again it reaches into the darkness.
like a blind man trying to find his way
i begin my journey.
pushed around and battered nearly to death.
a sudden soft kiss from someone unseen
then darkness and horror again.
stumbling and falling i begin to retreat.
then when all hope is left and my heart returns to me
scared, hated, destroyed beyond the limits of thought
slowly part of the darkness fades.
a light peirces this everlasting darkness.
a single round light slowy turning i
i open my eye's wide
to see you standing there
no matter how hard i try
your always there staring
watching, talking, screaming
i cant get away from u
trapped in a prison of confusion
trapped with the water rising
and your standing there...
laughing at me!
Call me stupid, call me mad
call me anything that'll calm your nerves
but please, Please
Dont touch me...im clean,..free,
happy....away from you..
i remember the times we had
when you would fight me and i'd just take it all in
i never fought you back
just walked away and wondered why
why i never fought and you always hated me
Call me stupid, call me mad
call me anyt
As i look back at the past...
i see reflections of dreams and tears past.
those nights when you saw me
saw my pain, saw my anguish
cowering in that corner
i saw you and looked away
beaten and scared
i screamed and then died yet again
watched you walk away with him
only to know that tommorow
you would run back to me.
only to find me
this time
a broken man
dead from the many times you stabbed me.
decayed.
Stumbling up to another cliff,
comprehending its infinite boundaries.
Confidence in every breath,
As i take my first handful of this rough, high wall.
Progress is made through time,
power gained through patience.
Endurance is the very key.
but the lock is held in our own hearts.
The majority that attack this cliff,
they endure, and enjoy a time together.
But the occasional one losses focus,
and his grip starts to betray him.
First his palms begin to sweet,
and his muscles start to burn.
The rock that is his very foundation,
it becomes soft and starts to crumble.
He strains, and summons all of his strength,
cry's put and try'
Current Residence: A town of great decite Favourite genre of music: Once again, Musical diversity is key. Favourite photographer: ~Incubusion Favourite style of art: poetry. Brings out the worst in me. Operating System: Windows Xp Shite Edition MP3 player of choice: Winamp. It really kicks the Llamas arse. Shell of choice: One that ppl cant see through. Wallpaper of choice: random shite Skin of choice: default is fine Favourite cartoon character: Wyle E. Coyote Personal Quote: I have dreamed a dream, now that dream is gone from me.
Favourite Visual Artist
anyone can make art.
Favourite Movies
The Jacket
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
why bother with one. Musical diversity is the way ppl.
Favourite Writers
My insane, screwed up mind.
Favourite Games
none @ the moment
Favourite Gaming Platform
Pc
Tools of the Trade
None. im finished. a blunt pencil, an empty pen, torn paper.
Other Interests
My car, understanding ppl's minds and depresive states.
Weeeellll. Um yeah has been a while since i even put a journal entry up. At the mom im thinking im pretty depressed. My ex and i have been good friends since our break up 2 months ago, some would say a lil to close and we thought so to. She got a bf and well as if that cant make it hard for me. So yeah we decided that we should try and just be friends and nothing more. Christ i never thought id have to tell her not to do so many things just so i can try and suppress my feelings. No more hugs, no kisses on the cheek, no talking bout old times, no fun. Im just hidding my feelings for her in the hope that maybe she can get along with her life an
Hey, has been a while. Life has'nt been that great l8ly. Ive lost or more given up the love of my life for the better of others. Sacrafice sux. So yeah, thats the basic update on my life. Quite depressed atm. Um... so yeah, WOHO LIFE ETC.
God. Seriously, why do we bother with realtionships ?? Fckn drives u up the wall some times. Kinda starting to question my own. Just get the shits with all the world and at 210km/hr those trees and power poles look mighty tempting. Ive already thought of and almost gone through with it twice. Maybe 3rd time lucky. pfft who knows... maybe im not made fo relationships.
yeah thas been a while. Not doing much l8ly, havnt had a chance (or a net connection) but ya never know i might start doing some more work soon. Just gotta get the pc working again. Peace Out.