Weeeellll. Um yeah has been a while since i even put a journal entry up. At the mom im thinking im pretty depressed. My ex and i have been good friends since our break up 2 months ago, some would say a lil to close and we thought so to. She got a bf and well as if that cant make it hard for me. So yeah we decided that we should try and just be friends and nothing more. Christ i never thought id have to tell her not to do so many things just so i can try and suppress my feelings. No more hugs, no kisses on the cheek, no talking bout old times, no fun. Im just hidding my feelings for her in the hope that maybe she can get along with her life and live a lil bit better. I just hate the fact that ive had to give up so much in life..... sigh FCKN CUNTS! I wana cry, i wana scream out at the world and judge it for wat its taken from me. Im sick of pain, hurt, sick of love and the bad feelings it brings. Im so pissed and angry and looking for someone to blame when i think i have only myself. who knows. fuck it im gunna write a couple of emails and go to bed. Peace all.

Hey, has been a while. Life has'nt been that great l8ly. Ive lost or more given up the love of my life for the better of others. Sacrafice sux. So yeah, thats the basic update on my life. Quite depressed atm. Um... so yeah, WOHO LIFE ETC.

God. Seriously, why do we bother with realtionships ?? Fckn drives u up the wall some times. Kinda starting to question my own. Just get the shits with all the world and at 210km/hr those trees and power poles look mighty tempting. Ive already thought of and almost gone through with it twice. Maybe 3rd time lucky. pfft who knows... maybe im not made fo relationships.

What do u do when the two things that you love most in life are taken away from you. When the thing that calms you down cannot perform, when the one you love wishes to cease to exist? How can u go on survivng, questioning every decision you make and wondering if it will affect the outcome. My car, my sanctuary that keeps me goin is damaged from my negligence, and the one i love is torn from the torment of others who speak only lies and no truth. I fight for them to survive but it seems like an un-ending battle that i cant seem to win. How do you pull someone from the ineveitable downward spiral that ends with death when all they see is the negative? When all their life they have been selfless but all that has returned has been pain. My spirit is tearing itself apart trying to understand the vast depth of their life but is only half way there. 5 days to comprehend and stop the worst from happening. A trial for myself and if i fail, a life is lost. can i be selfish to make them survive????

Well good ppl's of the deviant kind. I's is back and i gunna get dis fat bleck orse of mine ina gear. Time for some new poetry. Can we all say "HAY"........"HOO".